Sept 21, 2019

September 21st, 2019 -- a few lifetimes ago-- I'm watching that big, bright Ferris Wheel Ignite and elate our tourists from near and far But to me, it's not an attraction. It's a Beacon. East. Home. Back to the Nutmeg State, where I was born Deanna and learned to become her, through experiment, and loss, and friendship. and pain. And I'm blasting Lizzo at the top of my phone's lungs because she's preaching to the choir about men being thugs "Why men great 'til they gotta be great?" When I thought my future was laid out like an open picket fence I thought we'd have a family and be surrounded by friends I heard the mountains calling, and could smell the ocean breeze-- but grasping onto threads of silk kept me slipping to my knees. I was begging you to put me first-- about the ABV, But the chance of us repairing this decreased dramatically When you lied about that text-- the dealer-- and acted like a joke. You were out "getting a haircut," but you were out there -- buying coke. And all the sounds of all your anger still resonate within. Holding onto my self confidence That faded paper-thin. I'll pull myself back up again and find my truest form The kween of natured witches Igniting my own storm I'll frame my dreams and passions and paint them on my walls I'm not scared to start this all again-- theres no where left to fall.

2011 to 2021 - Ten Year Transformation

At this point in my life, at almost 34 years old, I feel like I have lived a few lives. Ten years ago was a few lives ago. I was 23, turning 24. I was almost 5 years into one of my most significant relationships. I was graduating college and looking forward to being a teacher. I was also applying to grad school programs for Creative Writing all across the country. And then when I graduated in May, there werent many teaching jobs. We were all still trying to recover from the recession and teachers who were set to retire stayed in their careers a bit longer, making teaching jobs scarse. I decided to enjoy my summer and go to Bonnaroo. I put my resume on Monster.com and hoped for the best. I knew I could keep Nannying in the meantime, and could make decent money. I was living in West Haven, on the Orange/Woodbridge line, with my boyfriend and his father, in a small two family home with a nice backyard, on a quiet cauldesack. I played shows at local venues with my band Parachute Stage. I started working at CDW, a technology reseller, that summer.